shakirafan1090

College life

2009-08-21T22:11:22Z

moved into college today. I'm pretty excited about everything in my life at this point. I have an amazing girlfriend, i'm in an awesome school and my mom is the shiyat.
What more could I ask for??

I can't wait for September 5-6 to get here. One I get to see Sarah, two I'm going to a hookah bar for the first time and 3 I'm going to Rocky Horror with Sarah and a few friends. It's oging to be a BLAST! Eeeek! 14 days and counting!

I am missing Sarah terribly at the moment. =\ I want everything with us to work out more than anyone knows and I am willing to do whatever i possibly can to make it work... But I've come to the conclusion if for some reason it doesn't Sarah and I are still going to probably be best friends. We've been through too much to just drop each other like that.

Off to read and listen to my Ipod until my residence hall meeting at 7. :)

5 days and counting.. Sadly

2009-08-17T02:22:26Z

I started packing today... Ugh. It's so extremely stressful!!! Oh well, it's gotta be done.. I'm hanging out with all of my friends or as many as I can since I'm leaving Friday. I hate eventhinking about leaving. It's still really upsetting...

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shakirafan1090 @ 2009-08-13T15:12:00

2009-08-13T19:12:23Z

8 days til I move into college. I finally started my checklist this morning. I had no idea how much I would need to bring with me until I started this list. I have 5 catagories with 15-20 items or more in each. Craziness!

I'm currently in the waiting room at my Drs office because I had some blood work done and it came back that I have high levels of copper in my body and we're tryin to figure out exactly what that means.. Lol I'm guessing it's nothing serious because I'm still alive. Haha!!

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college

2009-08-09T00:40:49Z

i leave in 13 days... :(
reality is setting in...

It's official

2009-08-02T18:57:48Z

19 days until I move into Heidelberg.
I'm excited about school to start but I am still very wary about leaving the people I love and care about here at home. I may even miss my dad in a really twisted way...
I'm pumped for school to start though!
Wooot!

Oo, I got my anti-helix pierced last night at a place called FX Tattoos in Mentor. :)

Ugh!

2009-07-01T01:33:00Z

I was SUPPOSSED to get medication for my schizophrenia today. But sadly that didn't happen because my family doctor didn't feel comfortable perscribing me medication since she doesn't know much about schizophrenia.
SOOO, I have to wait until Sarah and I get back from Vermont to find a Psychiatrist to go to.

Today has been alright. I'm really stressed out but that's expected I guess.
I really want to get on medication and fast so these damn voices will either GO AWAY completely OR at least quiet down some...

Vermont!

2009-06-27T17:29:13Z

July 5-10 with Sarah! I can't wait it's going to be a ton of fun!

We're both going to be updating from the road! Should be interesting!

Getting away is well needed at this point...

recent activites...

2009-06-23T23:52:53Z

Our Florida trip was the trip from HELL! Not because it wasn't fun but just because it was so stressful. FIRST, my computer wireless car killed itself and is causing me to have to get a new laptop which isn't all bad. Then, on the way home our van's engine blew up so it's completely trashed AND when I got home our desktop's router killed itself! UGH!
Other than that FL was a blast. I got really tan and had a great time. But, I'm glad to be home, after awhile I begin to SLIGHTLY miss home. And I missed Sarah and some of my friends.

I have another psychologist appointment Thursday morning, which is really worrying me because the voices in my head aren't going away. Nothing I do is making them "go away" They quiet at times but they never SHUT UP! It's extremely frusterating. I'm just scared of what the next step is in this proccess... *sigh*
Also, I think I am going to have to get my medication either upped or changed. Because no one is really noticing a difference... maybe I'm just making assumptions too soon, BUT, I'm still pretty angry most of the time, though I'm hiding it better. The only thing I'm noticing that's different is that I don't act on my cutting urges as much which is a major plus.

4th of July Sarah and I are going up to Coventry to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show and dress up for the event! Wooot! :D A few of our friends are going so it should be a blast!

Also, we're going to Vermont on the 5-10 of July! Yaayyy! I can't wait. It's going to be just the two of us because we decided we need to just GET AWAY for a while. :)

Flordia & medicine

2009-06-11T01:10:25Z

leaving for Flordia in the morning... at 5AM! I'm really excited. I haven't been on "vacation" in over a year so this is gunna be really fun. But I'm gunna miss Sarah a lot... But vacations always go REALLY FAST. But after about 8 days away I always wannt go home because I begin missing home terribly!
I need this vacation though. I need to get away from some people up here who's friendships have partially crumbled with me over the last few weeks and hopefully "start over" so-to-speak when I get back.

I started my medication today. My doctor said that it won't take effect for about 2 weeks. I hope it works soon. I've been told I won't really feel any different but I'll act noticably different to other people in terms on my mood, actions amd anger. So it's just a waiting game now...

I got in an argument with my grandma today over getting the wrong kind of peaches at the grocery store and I broke down crying. I felt so damn embarassed. I absolutely can't stand my grandma. She's so mean to me and my mom all the time and for no reason what so ever.

I can't wait for Vermont with Sarah in July! It's going to be SO MUCH FUN!

Funny quote by Sarah:
Sarah: "97 bottles of beer on the wall"
Me: "Where'd 98 go?!"
Sarah: "It got lost!"

I'll update sometime while i"m down in Flordia I'm sure...

Celexa

2009-06-10T01:16:02Z

I got put on Celexa today its and anti depressant used to treat major depression associated with mood disorders, anxiety and a few other other things. I start it tomorrow. My doctor said I won't feel any changes for about 2 weeks. So, it's just a waiting game now.
:)

The Three Amigos

2009-06-08T22:43:45Z

hung out with my two BEST FRIENDS ever today! (along with Sarah, but Sarah's a best friend in a different light!)
They always make me smile when we're together. They live in North Carolina and I in Ohio but no matter how long we're apart we always pack up right where we left off the year before. It's an amazing thing. We've known each other for almost 19 years and we've never once lost contact. It's awesome!
I always find new reasons every day to love Sarah with all of my little heart! Even when I'm feeling my shittiest she always knows how to cheer me up and make me laugh. That is true love!

Going to the doctor tomorrow.
Medication galore! :D

GRADUATION!

2009-05-31T22:19:03Z

was today!
I'm officially done with High school!
The future starts now!

Sarah came! Which made my day!
So did my friend Brian which was a total surprise!

:D

ROAD TRIP!

2009-05-29T02:07:57Z

I can't wait for Montreal! July 5-9! Woot! It's going to be wonderful!
Sarah and I conjured up the idea the other day.
So excited! Yaaay!
But, I"ve gotta learn basic French. Which could be a task considering I'm a die-hard "Mexican"
I've studied Spanish for 9 years.The switch is going to be difficult. But i'm willing to learn for the sake of the trip.
Plus, I'm a weirdo and I LOVE learning new languages. LOL!

I'm glad...

2009-05-17T18:54:07Z

that I have Sarah in my life! She means more to me than my own life.
I'm glad she's stuck by me and she knows I'll always do the same.
That is love! Plain and simple.

Just wanted to express that.

Not that I don't say it all the time.

But it's true!

Good news

2009-05-08T12:06:19Z

Prom is tomorrow...

AND

I may be put on anti depressants in July, so I can get used to them before I go to school in the fall. This is a decision I'm making on my own. I think putting me on "drugs" or whatever is long, long over due. I know i shouldn't be as excited about this as I am, but I think I need them. I don't want to go to school and potentially have a breakdown, start cutting again, then have to come home and be put in Laurelwood (the pyschiatric hospital) for real. That'd be kinda shitty. I still have to talk to my mom about this how theory. I know she's going to be wary and she has a right to be. But now I'm 18 and it's my choice.

On another happy note, I passed pyschology this semester with a C. Yeeahhh!

FINALLY!!

2009-05-05T17:37:27Z

I finished Lakeland CC yesterday. Which means I am completely DONE with high school forever! Yaay! That lifted a huge weight off of my chest. I've been waiting for this day for a VERY long time! My departure from my highschool is long overdue.

Prom is Saturday! I'm very excited about it! I"m trying my hardest to scheme someway for Sarah to stay at my house on Saturday night. I have seen her for a long period of time for 2 weeks now. :(
BUT, I think I have figured out how I'm gunna make this work. I'm going to have her tell her mom that we're going to after-prom, which ends at 2am. So there'd be no way to get her home. Hmm... I'm hoping that Sarah goes for it and her mom says it'd be okay for her to stay the night. But, we'll see.

Opening night

2009-04-25T15:29:52Z

Was a success. Only two more shows. One at 2 and one at 7. Then my high school acting career will be over. :( it's going to be a bittersweet affair. Part of me wants it to be over. Because shoe's are SO DAMN STRESSFUL. But on the other hand to see all of our hard work come to life is an AMAZING feeling. Emily, Jeremy, Amber and I are going to be a wreck on our closing song "I've Had The Time of My Life"

Off to 12pm call at the school.

Drama

2009-04-23T12:10:47Z

Tomorrow night our spring musical opens. This should be more than interesting. Considering I think we OFFICIALLY, officially lost two of our sub-supporting main characters. Oh joy! Gotta love the joys of hell week. I almost got into a fist fight with the kid that plays Mr Cocker.
That would have ended ugly fir him. :) I'm still trying to be optimistic and say we're gunna do good... but it's getting down to the crunch time LITERALLY, and I just don't know... I'm wary.

My only off day this weekend is Sunday, which I'm spending with Sarah.
Yaay!

Prom is in two weeks, well two weeks on Saturday.
Eeeeeek!

I can't wait to..

2009-04-14T21:13:14Z

bleach and dye my hair again!
sarah's gunna help. It's gunna be like bonding of something of the sort! haha!
My hair is gunna be purple, black and possibly blue.
Yaay!

I'm off to

2009-04-11T23:20:16Z

my first Catholic mass. I'm going to Sarah's church for Easter vigil.
It's going to be an experience.
Then tomorrow I'm having Easter dinner with her, her parentals and some of their friends.
I'm excited!

Today I cleaned off my whole kitchen table. I haven't seen that much wood from the table in about 5 years.
Not kidding! It's amazing.
Sarah was even shocked.

I'm starting to think that I'm not too fond o being home alone, well at night at least.
Last night Iwas pretty convinved someone broke my basement window.
I thought this because I heard a loud bang on the floor and it wasn't the sump pump or the heater.
Oy!

I want it to be next Thursday for all intents and purposes.
Eeek! Spending the whole weekend with Sarah.
:D

Sarah and I are planning a road trip this summer. :)
It's going to be grand.
Just the two of us! :D
We don't know to where yet, but we're thinking Arizona.

I'm officially

2009-04-09T20:58:07Z

living on my own for the next week and a half while my parentals are in Flordia on Spring Break.
Wooo!
But a few people are making sure I'm still alive at the end of this designated time, that'd be Sarah and my friend Katelyn.
I have a full week a head of me...
Saturday I think I'm going to mass with Sarah, Sunday is Easter
Then, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I have class.
On Thursday I'm skipping class to go somewhere with Sarah.
Then, I'M HOPING Sarah's staying at my house on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
Saturday if Sarah gets to stay over we're probably going to Southpark Mall to look for shoes, for me, for prom.
Weee!
That's about it for now. :D

scholarships

2009-04-07T17:17:47Z

SUCK!
I'm writing my essays for them now...
Yarg!

I just heard on a commercial,
"Why did you want me to wear a Chastity belt?"
"Because it is a prime piece of vaginal armor!"

HAHAHA!

I want it to be...

2009-04-06T20:17:03Z

Thursday (because i havne't spent any amount of time with Sarah for 2 weeks.)
Prom
and
graduation.
In the order.
:D

menengitus scare, drama rehersal and more...

2009-03-28T22:06:46Z

So the other day I went to the doctor for the first time in about... 8 or so years. at least in a serious way.
My mom thought I had meningitus. Which is never fun. I guess I had all the classic symptoms, inability to move, a horrible migrane, a fever (which broke eventually), and dizziness and disorientation. Which ment I had to get tested at the doctor. Thankfully I DO NOT have that. Though if I did I'd probably be dead by now, since it can kill you within a week if its not treated.
I found out I jsut had a horrible migrance/tension headache and got some really powerful headache medication. Woo!

I got to see Sarah yesterday which always makes me happy. i love her so much! She always makes me smile and laugh even when I'm having the wrost of days. "There are two birds gettin' it on, on my back patio!" LOL!

Also, today we were suppossed to have drama practice at 11am BUT I found out way later it was rescheduled for 9am and NO BODY on our cast was informed of this change. So our director bitched everyone out that walked in the door. So, needless to say I'm happy I skipped to go with Sarah. :D Yay!
Our musical opens in 3 weeks and we're no where near ready.. we have NO SET BUILT, no one's costumes are even close to being finshed except for my own, and over half of our main characters haven't dropped their scripts yet. *shoot me*
Hopefully it comes together like always, because if not we're gunna be f*ked!

School just needs to be over. My stress level is going through the roof and its driving me crazy!
I have SO much stuff to do in the next 2 months its not even funny!
It makes me want to cry when i think of everything.

-Spring Musical opens on the 24th of April
-finish senior project
-Finish at LCC
-write senior project paper
-apply for scholarships
-apply for MORE scholarships
-GRADUATE on the 31st of May!

treatened

2009-03-23T19:02:55Z

Leigh threatened to beat my ass today.
Her exact words were, "I wanna punch that short bitch in the face and beat her to a pulp."
Then I was walking out of pyschology and she yelled across the court yard, "Fuck you bitch!"

I laughed!

Thought I would post this humorous story.

She really doesn't know who she's messing with! Trust me.

Gotta love it!